run for your life.

in 1989 some television producer looked at his fellowmen and, i am assuming, said something to the effect of, "the cold war is ending. i am proud to be an american. so proud in fact that i would like to create a network television show in which star and stripe-adorned musclemen and musclewomen provoke sheer terror in their homeland compatriots through a series of completely impossible obstacles."

i imagine there was clapping and nodding of heads. and so there was American Gladiators.

american gladiators wasn't your seabiscuit, james braddock, million dollar baby, or we are marshall-type underdog story. in fact, 9 times out of 10 the underdog gets pummeled. which is the best. which also makes the show truly american.

there are strategies though. one of which is, holy shit RUN. another of which is, when you're on the rings, do NOT let the gladiator wrap his legs around your waist. DO NOT.



other strategies include: don't ever pause to look for your next grip on the rock wall. don't even bother to take time and shoot during assault. and finally, lay down and refuse to participate when its time to play pyramid.

here is the best video ever from american gladiators. brewskies and babes huh malibu? i commend you.