Wednesday, April 30, 2008

well thats embarassing.

so you want to sell a table on ebay. easy enough. all you have to do is take a photo of said table, write a little description, and you're off to the races.

oh wait! NAKED MAN IN THE're doing it wrong!

Saturday, April 26, 2008


dear mr. cakemaker, YOU'RE DOING IT SO WRONG.

here is how the conversation went when this cake was ordered:

cakemaker dummy: "ok and what do you want it to say on the cake?"
cake wanter: "'best wishes suzanne', underneath that 'we will miss you'."
cakemaker dummy: ok got it.

umm what?

Monday, April 21, 2008

if i fall you are going down with me.

i am convinced that there is no right way to roller skate. strapping boots with wheels on the bottom of them in order to shuffle around on either a highly slick rink floor or treacherous concrete sidewalk is inherently foolish. unless you are this robot. then you will be totally sweet.

should you fall, you are doing it wrong. and you get hurt. should you not fall, you are still doing it wrong, because chances are you are wearing knee pads and wrists guards (see ultra nerdom).

Monday, April 14, 2008

ghost ride the whip.

sometimes it is cool to street race your suped up honda. sometimes it is cool to lower the suspension on your truck so that it can't even go over some driveway curbs. and sometimes it is cool to climb out of your moving vehicle and commandeer that ship from the hood or roof. sometimes it's cool. most of the time it is pretty lame.

sorry. i just think that the only person who should be ghost riding anything is ghost rider himself (nicholas cage version only).

this is the best video of ghost riding the wrong way. if i had to guess, i think what went wrong has something to do with the speed the truck is moving...

Thursday, April 3, 2008

better buy some axles.

when i was young and played the now infamous "oregon trail" on a computer smaller than my cat, i never did make it to oregon. not once. the problem was that i didn't know what wagon axles were so i figured i didn't need them.

one of the most common mistakes in oregon trail happens whilst hunting. and by "one of the most common mistakes" i mean "three of the most common mistakes." sure, you can use 96 bullets trying to mow down the fastest rabbits (and squirrels) in the west. you can even use the classic spin in a circle move in which you shoot bullets in every direction. nice one, because now you are out of bullets and you will starve in four days. other mistakes include wasting bullets on 18 buffalo and only being able to carry 200lbs. of meat back with you. my other classic faux pas (outside of wagon axles) was not buying food and believing i could survive on the trail by hunting. WRONG.

you better pay that toll. i'm not kidding. floating, forging, rafting...all bad news.

yep. told ya so.

told ya so again.

dysentery, thieves in the night, starvation, drownings, BROKEN WAGON AXLES, thirsty oxen, inclement weather...the list goes on and on. the trail is a rough one my friend. it shows no mercy. type in the names of people you like the least in your life and maybe it will make the trail a little bit easier. happy travelin'.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

i'm so scared.

the nineties were cute and adorable because to the less intelligent beings of yesteryear dangerous drugs included caffeine pills. you might think that with the help of caffeine pills you can put on a unitard and rehearse a little ditty to the Pointer Sisters' "I'm So Excited" AND work your ass off to get into STANFORD at the same time. saved by the bell taught us otherwise.

jesse no!!! each pill contains the amount of caffeine IN ONE CUP OF COFFEE. what are you thinking?!?

that's right...SHE WASN'T THINKING.

nina the meana.